First Principles

The top half of badassity has risen, and those wanting in their awesomeness have fallen by the wayside.  Who will be the Badassiest Mascot of them all?  The Dance and the debate continues!

Midwest

(16) Alabama State Hornets over the (9) Siena Saints

Another tough call.  But while the St. Bernard is still a badass, I think ounce for ounce, the hornet is still more badass.  When the big dog’s tail can impale a creature of similar size, maybe this will change.  Until then, this 16 seed is going deep!

(4) Wake Forest Demon Deacons over the (5) Utah Utes

Badassity does not, of course, equate to endorsement of the political, moral, or spiritual predilections of the eventual victor, and such is the case here.  A deacon who can summon the forces of darkness should be condemned by all righteous people, but one cannot ignore the badassity of such a power.

(11) Dayton Flyers over the (14) North Dakota Bisons

This is a tougher call, but I still have to go with the aviators.  Supremacy in the skies would decimate the cud chewing prairie herds.

(2) Michigan State Spartans over the (10) USC Trojans

Once again, I must thank Homer for his basketball insight.  (No, not that one.  Seesh.)  The Spartans joined the group of warriors determined to sack Troy, and sack it they did.  Indeed, the Trojan’s only historical claim of note was to have lost a war, although it’s undeniable Priam’s people were badass enough to keep the Greek hordes at bay for a decade.  Still, having been fooled by that damn wooden horse is just too much for any previous badass points to overcome.

West

(8) BYU Cougars over the (1) Connecticut Huskies

The big cats are a bit bigger than the dogs, and their claws and teeth a way sharper.  Sorry, SirWhoopass (and Anna).

(5) Purdue Boilermakers over the (4) Washington Huskies

The other half of the Western Bracket’s sled team just got smeared all over the railroad tracks.  Sorry, Bob. 

(11) Utah State Aggies over the (3) Missouri Tigers

This is a very close call, but I just can’t get over that frickin’ bull, which is totally badass.  And let’s be honest – Tigers are getting over-exposed this year.

(7) California Golden Bears over the (2) Memphis Tigers

Big bear vs. big cat.  Both overused.  I do like that the bear is tied into the history and traditions of the state, which serves more or less as tiebreaker here.

East

(9) Tennessee Volunteers over the (16) ETSU Buccaneers

I had this one the other way around, and then as I was writing about the idea of volunteer American citizen soldiers, I had to change my mind.  Pirates are pretty badass, but the idea of free citizens rising up on their own to solve their nation’s problems makes my heart swell – and impresses me with its badassity.

(13) Portland State Vikings over the (5) Florida State Seminoles

As impressed as I am with the Seminoles and their bravery in the PC battle, Vikings are just too badass for them.  Colonizing the New World 500 years before it was cool and spreading your influence from Kiev to Newfoundland is high octane badassity, and so are those sweet helmets.

(6) UCLA Bruins over the (14) American Eagles

If the Golden Bear can whup up on a tiger, a Bruin can take out this otherwise impressive bird of prey.  Last year, the weakest ursus-affiliated mascot, Cornell’s Big Red, took down the Marquette Golden Eagles, and I find that precedent availing now.

(2) Duke Blue Devils over the (7) Texas Longhorns

The longhorn might be the most badass cow out there, but it’s still just a cow.  That’s good enough to defeat a field rodent, but against an azure Lord of the Flies?  Sorry, Texas – you just got messed with.

South

(16) Radford Highlanders over the (8) LSU Tigers

I love this Highlander mascot.  It’s creative, tough, and oozes badassity.  While the big cat is undeniably badass, the ubiquity of the big kitty is its downfall.

(5) Illinois Fighting Illini over the (4) Gonzaga Bulldogs

Sadly for my wife’s alma mater, the stubby canines are no match in a badass contest when the opponent is a people once known as the Lords of the Mississippi Valley.

(6) Arizona Sun Devils over the (14) Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks

The more I think about this mascot’s resemblance to those SNL Jon Lovitz skits, the more unsure I am of its badassity.  On the other hand, it’s still a devil.  From the sun.  You can’t swing an axe at that.

(10) Michigan Wolverines over the (15) Morgan State Bears

Bears and Tigers are on roughly badass par, so if the wolverine took out Clemson, I think it beats a bear on the badass scale, too.  Pound for pound, wolverines are one of the most badass critters ever to roam the earth since the late Cretaceous.