Without further ado, let’s trace out the rest of the badassiest bracket!
The (16) Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils over the (5) Wichita State Shockers
The (2) Duke Blue Devils over the (11) Colorado Buffaloes
The (1) Michigan State Spartans over the (5) New Mexico Lobos
As a general rule, a bunch of trained warriors with weapons and shields will overcome pretty much any animal, although this is closer that it might otherwise have been given the cooperative hunting style of wolves.
The (15) Norfolk State Spartans over the (14) BYU Cougars
The (13) Montana Grizzlies over the (8) Kansas State Wildcats
The (3) Florida State Seminoles over the (10) West Virginia Mountaineers
The (9) Alabama Crimson Tide over the (4) Michigan State Wolverines
The (15) Detroit Titans over the (6) San Diego State Aztecs
The Atecs are in the top tier of badassity, what with all that ripping out still-beating hearts and all. But once again, the Titans always take it to the next level – by eating their own children alive.
The Elite Eight
The (16) Mississippi Valley State Delta Devils over the (2) Duke Blue Devils
In this underworld Battle Royale, the less cartoonish, more flame-producing version of the Lord of the Flies wins out in the end. The Duke logo just looks like he’s resting on his evil laurels, and that’s just not good enough at this level.
The (1) Michigan State Spartans over the (15) Norfolk State Spartans
It’s fun to have two apples vs. apples matchups like this, and it really all comes down to mascot/logo design. In this case, Michigan’s is a bit dull – “spartan” even. But there’s no question he looks ready to spread his badassery all over the court. The Norfolk Spartans on the other hand, look vaguely befuddled, and less robust. Michigan State takes this in a bloody squeaker.
The (3) Florida State Seminoles over the (13) Montana Grizzlies
But in the end, the Seminole’s history and fighting spirit carry them through one more round.
The (15) Detroit Titans over the (9) Alabama Crimson Tide
One beef about the Titans I haven’t mentioned before. In spite of a whole pantheon of proto-gods to choose from, the costume Detroit chose was of a run of the mill Greek/Roman warrior. If there was a closer matchup, that could really hurt them.
But in the end, as badass as the elephant/tsunami of blood is, it can’t top the progenitor of the whole of mankind.
The Final Four
The (1) Michigan State Spartans over the (16) Mississippi Valley Delta Devils
The forces of darkness are generally badass, but they can be defeated by determined and noble people – otherwise we’d be pretty screwed as a species. And there is precedent for this, too – in the 2009 Badassiest Bracket, the Spartans defeated the Sun Devils in the final game (Michigan almost won that game in real life, too…)
The (15) Detroit Titans over the (3) Florida State Seminoles
The Championship Game
The (15) Detroit Titans over the (1) Michigan State Spartans
The only reason humans are a factor at all is because the Gods can be played off of each other, and use us like pawns. If they actually united against mankind, we’d be squished like grapes, drowned in an overwhelming, galactically devastating display of badassity.
And so the Titans win this year’s tournament – and you can take that to the bank!* See you next year!
* Please don’t try to take it to the bank.